


Last Words

by juiceboxjellyfish



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: AU, Angst, Baz's POV, M/M, Post-Watford, SnowBaz, angst with happy ending, or at least an attempt, tw death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 21:23:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11952909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juiceboxjellyfish/pseuds/juiceboxjellyfish
Summary: In what seems to be Baz and Simon's final fight, Simon asks for Baz's last words.Baz decides to tell the truth.Kind of based on a prompt by tumblr user oopsprompts





	Last Words

"Any last words?" he practically growls.  
This is it. I always knew Snow would kill me one day, and now the time has come.  
The fight has gone on for too long, and if Snow goes off again there's no chance I'll make it. I can't even stand up, that's how badly he's hurt me. He's knocks my wand out of my hand but it doesn't matter, because I don't think I'd be able to use any magic even if I had it. I'm so weak.

I'm lying powerless on the ground and Snow is towering above me with his foot on my chest, ready to stab his sword right through my heart. And I'm pretty sure a sword through the heart would kill anyone, vampire or not. So this is it. 

Honestly, I'm ready to die at this point. My life's been nothing but shit anyway.  
After graduating from Watford with perfect grades, I really don't have any motivation in life. The war is pointless. The Humdrum is unbeatable, and he just keeps growing stronger. The holes have started to appear more frequently, and Snow keeps trying and failing to defeat him. Pretty shit at being he chosen one, isn't he? He doesn't even act out of his own will, he just does whatever the Mage tells him to do.  
And right now, that means he has to kill me.  
My mum would've wanted this, she hated vampires. 

"Last words" he repeats, and his eyes tell me that he'll stab me without any goodbyes if I don't respond soon. What's the point? He's going to kill me regardless. And I deserve it. I should say something really stupid, just to spite him one last time.  
"Well" I say, looking at the sword. "This night sure took a sharp turn!" 

"Are you serious?" Snow asks, actually lowering his sword for a second. "You want your last words to be a pun? It wasn't even a good one. I'm giving you another shot."  
He lifts his sword up again.  
Stupid, sentimental Snow. Of course he won't accept that. And he thinks I'm dramatic... He's actually giving me a second chance. He could kill me whenever he wants, I'm not even trying to escape, but he's just stood there, waiting for me to say something. His face is stern and he's definitely intimidating, unless you look at his eyes.  
If you look into his eyes, and I mean really look, he just looks tired. The rest of his face screams determination, but his eyes reveal that he mostly just wants it all to be over.  
So do I. 

I remember when I met him for the first time. I was only eleven years old, and the Crucible put us together. I knew who he was before I even met him, and I knew that I was supposed to hate him, but I didn't.  
I couldn't.

I tried. I really, really tried. For hours, months, and years, I tried to hate him.  
I told myself that I hated him and that I wanted him dead, but I always knew it wasn't true. I didn't hate Simon. I hated what he did to me.  
I hated that his uncontrollable curls and his moles made my chest warm. I hated that looking in to his blue eyes created butterflies in my stomach, even though there was nothing remarkable about them. There still isn't anything remarkable about his eyes, but nonetheless, they make my stomach flip every time I look at them.  
I hated that I got goosebumps whenever he touched me in first year, and I hated that I felt compelled to watch him sleep every night. I thought that he was the worst chosen one to ever be chosen. I hated that he was so breathtakingly beautiful. I hated that he followed me around everywhere, I hated that he accused me of being a murderous vampire, and I hated his girlfriend.  
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bring myself to hate Simon Snow.

Even now, when he's holding the tip of a sword to my chest, I can't hate him.  
Even when he thrusts the sword through my heart, I won't hate him.  
I accepted my fate long ago, and I'm not going to try and change it now.

I always knew that one of us would end up killing the other. That's just how it has to end. We've both known this for ages. The difference is that I've known for a while that it would have to be Snow killing me, because I don't think I could ever bring myself to hurt him.

I used to want to hurt him. I hated what he did to me, and I wanted to get revenge.  
I even tried to steal his voice once, which is probably the worst thing you can do to anyone magickal.  
Now, I don't want to hurt him anymore. It's not his fault that I'm hopelessly in love with him, and it's not like hurting him will help. If I could, I would end all the wars just so he'd be safe. I'd do anything for him, and right now, that means dying.  
The Mage wants him to kill me because of my family's stance in the war, and it's easier for Snow to just do what the Mage wants. So I've got to die.  
It's probably better like that anyway. 

I don't know how long it's been since Snow demanded that I change my last words and I don't care. I don't need any last words, as long as I get to look at him until I die. I try to soak up as much as I can of his face, because this is the last time I'll see it.  
I wish I had enough time to memorize every mole on his body. I wish I could run my hands through his bronze curls, just to know what they feel like. There's a mole on his neck that I've always wanted to kiss, but I'll never be able to. The only thing I can do is look at him. So I do.  
I stare at his face, taking in every last detail. I don't care that he can tell that I'm staring at him, becuase I'll be dead soon anyway. 

He's so beautiful that my chest actually hurts. It aches to love someone so much and know that they'll never understand. I remember thinking that being in love with him was going to kill me, and now it's about to. I'm sure I could've survived longer than this if I was willing to hurt him, but I just love him too much.  
One of us has to die and I could never kill him, so I'm basically sacrificing myself to save his life. 

The pain in my chest is overpowering, and I can't even feel my wounds at this point.  
I thought I'd be okay with dying without last words, but I don't think I am. I can't die without letting Snow know the truth. After all, this is the last time I'll ever see him. 

"Simon" I whisper. His eyes widen, like he'd forgotten that he's standing on my chest about to kill me.  
"You've given me a chance to change my last words, so I'm going to make them spectacular. I hope you're prepared." He looks suspicious, but lets me speak.  
"I don't hate you. I never have. I know that I'm supposed to, but I can't.  
The truth is, Simon, that I'm hopelessly in love with you. I have been for as long as I've known you. I only pretended to hate you becuase I was supposed to, and becuase I couldn't stand what you did to me. Do you understand what it's like to share a room with the person you love the most when you know he'll have to kill you someday?  
I've always known it'd end like this. I accepted my fate long ago, Simon."  
It's like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest, even though I'm literally about to die. Simon is frozen in the same position as before, except his grip on the sword has loosened a bit. His face is full of shock and disbelief.  
"I don't mind. You were right anyway, I am a vampire" I add, hoping that this will lessen his guilt when he kills me. 

He doesn't say anything. I try to look at his face and guess what he's thinking, but it's impossible to tell. Seconds pass. His grip around the sword tightens, but he doesn't look like he's decided what to say or do yet.  
I was kind of expecting him to kill me immediately, so now I don't know what to do. 

Snow opens his mouth, but before he has a chance to say anything, a sudden loud noise shocks us both. We turn our heads to see The Mage walking out of a cloud of smoke. He spots us and walks closer.  
"Simon!" he exclaims. "I see you've captured the Pitch boy."  
A muscle in Simon's face twitches slightly.  
"I'm clearly interrupting something, but don't let me bother you. Go on Simon, finish the job." It looks like The Mage is trying to hide a smile, and I feel my stomach twisting. Snow hesitates.  
"What are you waiting for? Go on" The Mage says, gesturing towards me.  
Snow grips the sword even tighter, and I prepare to die. I hope it's quick. 

But he doesn't stab me.  
Instead, he inhales deeply and slowly raises the sword. The Mage furrows his eyebrows.  
"Simon?" he asks. Simon is holding the sword by his side now.  
"No" he says. The Mage takes a step closer, clenching his jaw.  
"What do you mean 'no'?" he says, and his voice is dripping with poorly hidden rage.  
"I mean no. I'm not going to kill whoever you tell me to. I'm not your slave."  
The air smells of smoke, and I can feel Simon's magic in my skin.  
The Mage pulls his wand out, but Simon disarms him without even speaking.  
"Simon? What are you doing? I'm on your side! We have to win this war!"  
"What war? The one against the Humdrum? Because I don't see how killing innocent people helps us win that." The air around Simon is practically vibrating.  
"Innocent people? The Pitches are not innocent people! This one-" The Mage gestures to me "-isn't even people! He's a vampire, you've said it yourself!"  
Simon lifts his foot from my chest, freeing me.  
"So?" He turns to me. "Baz, have you ever bitten a human?"  
"No. I've drained many rats, but these fangs have never touched human skin" I say, while struggling to sit up. The Mage takes a step back.  
"Why would you trust him? He's your enemy!" he shouts. Simon reaches his hand out and pulls me to my feet. He doesn't let go of my hand once I'm up.  
"Maybe, but he doesn't have to be." I can feel his magic burning through his skin, and even though he's not casting any spells, I can taste it in my mouth.  
The Mage keeps stepping backwards.  
"You can't trust him Simon! He's a vampire and a liar!" Simons eyes are glowing.  
"Do you really want to pick a fight with me?"  
"If you keep defending him, I'll have to! Simon, please listen to me! We need to get rid of the Pitches, they're hurting the world of mages!" The Mage isn't backing away anymore, but I can practically smell his fear. He's gotten to where his wand landed now, and lifts it up. He points it to me and opens his mouth to cast a spell.  
Then Simon goes off.

He goes off like I've never seen him go off before.  
He's protecting me, but everything around us is on fire. The Mage has been knocked over and thrown a few meters backwards by the sheer force of Simon's magic. 

Simon opens his eyes, and they're back to normal. He's in control now.  
He walks over to The Mage's body, still gripping my hand. He bends down to check for any signs of life, and I stand next to him, staring at the fiery remains of the field we were in.  
"He's alive. He's unconscious and a bit... Toasted, but he's alive." Simon stands up again, and looks around.  
"Snow?" I say. He turns to me.  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm flammable." His eyes widen, realising that we're surrounded by fire.  
"Fuck."  
I reach for my wand, which is somehow not burned to ash, and cast Make A Wish.  
It doesn't do much. There's too much fire.  
Snow tightens his grip around my hand, and I suddenly feel his magic flowing into me.  
It's overwhelming. Is this what it feels like for him? If he had proper control, he could do anything.  
I cast Make A Wish again, and all the fire goes out immediately.  
Snow stops the flow of magic, and I feel my hand kind of burning.  
"I had no idea you could do that" I say.  
"Me neither. I just thought about helping you, and it happened."

We sit down on the burned ground. He's still holding my hand.  
"Those things you said when you thought they'd be your last words...  
Were they true?" He asks shyly.  
"Yes. I'm in love with you" I reply, becuase he's holding my hand, and I can't lie to him.  
"I wish you'd told me earlier." He's blushing now.  
"Why?"  
"Becuase hearing you say it made me... Happy. Somehow, even though I've never thought about it before, it felt like I'd been longing to hear you say that for years."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah."  
We sit in silence for a while, taking in the aftermath of our fight.  
"Baz?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Do you still love me, even though I almost killed you?"  
"Yeah. The Mage told you to do it, and he's the closest thing you've ever had to a father. You thought you had to. Besides, I always thought it'd end like that anyway."  
"Well, I'm sorry for almost stabbing you with a sword. I know this doesn't make up for it, but I hope you can forgive me."  
I'm just about to ask what doesn't make up for it when he kisses me.

I though that loving Simon Snow would end in flames, and I'm not sure it won't.  
His mouth is so hot, and he tastes like smoke, and I melt when he touches me.

When he pulls away, it's to catch his breath.  
"I think I'm in love with you too" he whispers.  
Looks like I might get to kiss that mole on his neck after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Turns out I can't write angst, but that's fine.  
> I'd rather write fluff anyway, so I don't really mind.
> 
> Thanks for reading all the way to the end!  
> I promise if you leave a comment that's even remotely nice I will squeal when I read it, becuase I love comments.


End file.
